is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
