when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Green mimosas i think yes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
