i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
