Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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