Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
birth control should be required to get into college
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
