I cannot find my penis.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you made out with another girl for some wings
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
