her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
