everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
