Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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