your parents love me but you hate me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
