I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
