oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
