My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
