She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
