T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
