I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
