My room smells like vodka and shame
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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