I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
