I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
