dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
