The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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