I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
