you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
