How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
