can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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