His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
