Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Couch. On fire.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
