I skipped work to stalk him.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you had me at cake vodka
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
