She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
