then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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