Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
