It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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