I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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