I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
