i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
