You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
