so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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