And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
