just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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