Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
