We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
