remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
