A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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