After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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