Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I would ride that face into the sunset
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
