It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
