I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
