i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize