I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you had me at cake vodka
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
