$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize