How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
