Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
