You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
