I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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