Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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