I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
