So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
