What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
