Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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