I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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