Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she looked like the before picture.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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