guys are not supposed to queef...right?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
