So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize