rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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