Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
