A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize