Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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