So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize