I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
