I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
