Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
