Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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