I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
