im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
