I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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